Hello! And welcome back to THE BLOG
If you think ive been inconsistent, well first of all this is my blog so i do what i want and when i want >:P
Also, my sister is back from holiday and ive been blogging from her computer bc i dont have my own, so i had to beg to even get to use hers right now.. but also, i *had* been slacking even before she came back..
You see, i told myself i would upload all the pics i took from my holiday before anything else. If you havent been keeping up, I spent a week with Nene in the south. It was probably one of the nicest times ive had. so i told myself i would make sure to archive every nice moment i had on here with pics incuded. But for some reason i just couldnt make myself do it. I literally sat in front of the computer for a half hour like a few days after i got back and just ended up getting distracted. Im not entirely sure why this happens.
If you read my last blog, you may remember it started similarly, with me mentionning i meant to write my blog in chronological order and i was supposed to write another article first but i didnt feel like it.. This keeps happening and im not sure why, it seems like i always subconsciously prefer to talk about my feelings rather than blogging to you about tangible events and sharing pics. Maybe its because the act of uploading the pics is too long for my liking.
Maybe once i get my digital camera, itll be less annoying, because the pics can be directly uploaded into the computer. In the meanwhile i think im not gonna force it, because when i do, it bores me and its a tedious process of forcing the words out as opposed to when i dont push it, like right now, where the words are flowing out of me and typing them out fast is satisfying and exciting. I like typing fast. At the end of the day sharing how i feel is the primary purpose of the blog. And ill be able to do it more frequently when i get a computer.
Which is what i asked for for my 18th birthday, on september 1st!!! Smooth segway i know.. Im just really excited about it. Im planning out a fun day for myself! Nene will be there too. Yk i really love her. random friend appreciation moment. It felt pretty meaningful for me to meet her family or get to see the places where she's been a child. I think family vacation spots specifically are pretty sacred spaces, since you kinda only go once a year. They witness your growth year by year and host precious happy memories. Well for me, i wouldnt bring just anyone into that sort of sanctuary, yk? And shes a very close friend, so i hope one day i can return this vulnerability and bring her to my own family vacation sanctuaries, which are mainly in spain.
God i know im kinda sappy but i think anyone would be when put into a situation where they have nothing to be but grateful. So i cant wait to atleast celebrate this special birthday with her!! Im pretty excited for the milestone because it seems like an occasion to celebrate. I mean keeping myself alive for 18years was a challenge, and ¡¡ i did it!! so cant wait to enjoy a day filled with only stuff i enjoy doing.
An 18th birthday is kind of like a first step into adulthood. Legally speaking for one, but i feel like in the general consciousness it also marks a separation from childhood. In France at least. Personally ive decided that i wont totally adopt this mindset.. What turning 18 means is pretty unique to each individual. Even though i think considering it as a strict separation from childhood is too extreme, i also intend on doing some personnal growth and reflection. For the past three years ive been using the internet as my main way of communication with the world, and i dont really think ive been using it as a productive tool. To be honest, i think the worldwide web is an overwhelming tool for any inexperienced teenager to have access to.
Doesnt the internet have a way of sucking you in? The more agitated you become the more you get sucked into the depth. Well this description makes it sound like ive gone down an incel pipeline lmao. The truth isnt really that dramatic.
I fell hard for gyaru, but i got sidetracked on the way with arguments and semantics. being involved with such a large community of very different people who are united by only one thing that they've all got strong opinions on will probably do that to you. But the good thing is i did find my people within this community. Considering thats done, it feels like its a good time to take a step back.
Honestly for my 18th birthday i really want to focus on the good. I dont mean forcing myself to create fake kindness to give. I just mean that i want to strive to make the choice to be kinder and set the reflex to be mean, defensive, agressive, all that jazz, aside. Im not really mad at myself for any of this because i think its human, and i havent bullied anyone so i dont believe i hurt any individual. Just myself, because at the end of the day it just feels bad to act in a way that doesnt align with who i am inside, From who i want to be on the outside.
I dont want to be mean to people. Its hard enough to be a person. I just wanna be a nice girl you know? I dont think im the only person who let the internet get the worse out of them. Like i said earlier, the internet is a super overwhelming place to be as a growing person. But as im doing some more growing, and because of the approaching milestone, i decided this is the good time to be more mindful of who i am so it aligns with who i want to be. And it doesnt mean im going to become passive, but just that im going to pick my battles with a lot more consideration. Im going to be better.
I also want to do my best to share my feelings. I get too shy to tell my friends i love them face to face and directly.. but i want to work on it,, lest my heart bursts with all this unshared love..
Anyways im also doing growing as a gal. Thats right, i think we're done with the emotional vulnerability! Now time for fashion!! Ive been thinking about my next stylistic direction. I got really inspired by the liz lisa and tralala summer 2007 catalogues. Unfortunately there's not a lot of gal summer 2007 scans online,, but its not so bad because it pushed me to diversify my research to earlier years and to look at more mags. I really loved what i saw in the ageha 2006 issues up on galrevo.
I also looked at some earlier nuts mags. I feel like ive got a ton of directions to go in. Im inspired by more "editiorial" looks with big big curly hair (great considering my new hair cut lol) and makes with an emphasis on really flushed cheeks, and black/brown natural lenses. But still i cant wait to see those ranzuki 2007 and nuts 2007 issues that havent been published yet... those covers.. SO promising!!
Anyways as i also mentionned i got a fresh new cut! Its a short bob with bangs.. I feel like i look super parisian lmaoo.. Even if its kind of a challenge to style, my hair seriously needed it, and i do like it.
Last thing i wanted to mention is my new plushie! I went to the museum of natural history. I saw lots of dinos fossils, and at the gift store i got a tiny pterodactyl plush! Hes so cute.. I love him TT I named him earl bc he's grey and i thought that was a fun pun for a name, but as it turns out the name of earl grey tea comes from a british dude and not from the color grey. But tbh his other possible name was darwin, after Charles Darwin. I guess Earl was just fated to be named after a british dude for some reason.. I might include some pics later but honestly i feel lazy.. Just trust me hes very adorable. He has teeny feet.
Now is the part of the blog where im done saying everything important, and i have to wrap it up, or im gonna start rambling about random stuff i dont really even wanna put in here just because its hard to end an article smoothly.
Thanks for reading!
Blanca